Art is Feeling

I had a profound art experience the other night. I have always had troubles connecting with my feelings. I have trouble expressing them, and even feeling them. Art is a visual way of communicating on an emotional level. And how can I do this, if I can not even connect with my feelings?

About half a week ago I was visiting with my art teacher (she challenges me a lot and to the core). I was fixing a computer problem. In return for this favor, she took me down to a hollow on her property were we could draw trees. I hate drawing trees. I only want to do people, but I understood this was a gift in return for my help, and important to her. So off I trucked to draw trees, again being challenged to expand myself by this wonderful teacher.

As we walked down into the hollow, she told me this is where she had had her daughter's funeral. Now, the thought of one of my daughters dying before me is unbearable. To know someone else I highly respect had gone through this was heart rending.

As we drew, she mused about coming to the hollow again, and drawing to work through her grief. This got me to thinking about another artist I knew, who disappeared from all art functions for about a year, who drew hundreds of drawings of children playing, to work through her grief. I always admired artists who could deal with emotions by drawing or painting, but I never could and this troubled me.

Two days later, I was at home, and previously had been copying Kathie Kollwitz drawings. The power, the emotion, and the simplicity of line really captivated me, and I wanted to feel what she felt when she made her drawings. This night, I decided that I was going to try to draw like Kathie Kollwitz from a picture of my deceased mother.

My mother had senility for years before she died, and at times could not remember who I was. This hurt. Hurting was not rational, but it still hurt any way. To me, it was like my mother was already dead, but I kept visiting each time hoping she would remember me, at least for some of the time.

I sat down and started to quickly draw my mother. I wanted to tap directly into my emotions, and not fuss with composition, etc. I never intended this to be a showcase drawing, but a primitive attempt at displaying my sorrow for the loss of my mother. The picture I chose was one that had that empty stare you see in the eyes of the senile. I remember the day of the picture well. There was a party at the nursing home, and Mom was having fun, eating ice cream, but the stare was there for the first time.

As I finished drawing the party hat, and started to draw the eyes, I remember hoping that I could capture the blank stare, so sad, yet so indicative of her state. As I started to draw the eyes, my emotional dam broke. I was overwhelmed with grief. I was crying so hard, I couldn't see to draw. I kept having to wipe my eyes so I could see, and could only make one mark, then I had to wipe them again. And my sobs made it impossible to draw any kind of steady line. I was torn apart, but was driven to get those eyes right. Then I realized I had, because they were what broke my dam. I finished off the mouth and chin, and they are not very good, but that wasn't important any more.

I was surprised when I was done. I was very angry. I pushed a coffee table across the room, threw my pencils around, and just caused havoc until I could get a little control. I ended with lemon tea, and pacing around the house for over an hour. I carefully covered the drawing with my Kathie Kollwitz book, because I was afraid to look at it again. It was too painful.

Two days later I have looked and the feelings are not there any more. There is a healthy regret and sadness, but not the overwhelming emotions of grief and anger I first felt. This was a first for me, and a big step towards getting my feelings into my art. The really nice part, was the healing that comes with art for those of us blessed with the gift.

Art and Art Shows

I went to a large art show last Saturday. There was 124 artists, and thousands and thousands of visitors. It was quite well attended. I stayed the whole time, and walked the many blocks from one end to the other of the show. There were all types of artists, and all levels of skills.

I was struck by one observation I made -- of all the artists and visitors there, I only saw about three pieces of art sold. There probably were other sales as well, but I would be willing to bet there were not many sales made.

Given the economic climate I am sure that art sales are down just like sales in lot of other areas.

This made me think. In all the years I have been in art, I have been in many shows -- juried shows, outdoor fairs, small shows, big shows, and public art displays. I have donated art to charity auctions and one thing that seems to be consistent among all the shows, is that a good show may sell about 11% of the art represented, and that is not much.

Yet, at most art shows, there are lots of people looking at the art, talking to the artists, talking to each other about the art, and in general there is a festive atmosphere.

At first I was upset for the artists. Some were my friends, and I know some made a big effort. One even hired an model for the show, and was doing a painting demonstration of her. It seemed so unfair that they were putting out so much effort, and the visitors just came to look and enjoy, but certainly the vast majority had no intention of buying.

Reflecting upon this situation further, I started to reconsider my thinking. Yes, people come to enjoy themselves, and yes, most did not come to buy, but they did come to see the art. The visitors appreciate art. Perhaps for some visitors, they could not afford art, and this is one of the ways they can enjoy art, even if they can't own it.

Like public art, these shows bring art to the public as well. I think these shows are really more than just opportunities to sell art. These shows are a way to give lots of people a way to enjoy art, to see art, to promote art in the community, and for the artist, a chance to become known, and to get positive feedback that we all crave and need.

I guess what I am trying to say is that these shows, and public art displays, are important events in an artistic lifestyle. It is a chance to share our creativity, our vision, and bring our work to those who really appreciate art. It may be hard to earn a living at art, but it can still be very rewarding.

Art is Healing

I am a very driven person. I think on the Myer's Briggs I once scored in the Driver, Driver range - Type AAA personality. I have done a lot since that time to become more balanced, and I have, but when you start from where I did, you have a long way to go. I struggle constantly for peace in my life. I really have to work for it. Recently I have had a lot of art shows, and lots of opportunities to promote my art. This also creates a need for me to make more art. Need to fill all the requirements for all the shows. A lot of pressure.

To maintain my peace of mind at this stressful time, I meditate every morning, and do yoga several times during the week. This all helps a lot towards keeping me peaceful. Nothing is a complete solution, but everything helps. And so does my drawing and painting.

I draw and paint everyday. I have been drawing everyday since the New Year began, and painting everyday for the last two weeks. When I draw or paint, I get "in the zone" like athletes, and it is a wonderful feeling. Time seems to be suspended, nothing bothers me, I focus on the drawing or painting, and when it is done, I feel refreshed and relaxed, no matter what the outcome of the effort was. Lately though, after the drawing or painting session, the zone seems to stay around. It is like I am meditating while walking around, or like I am still drawing or painting, when in fact, I am going about my daily business.

I think the real reward of being an artist is starting to materialize. Beside the zone continuing after I finish doing the art, I am finding that I search for more and more excuses to do more art each day. I don't feel I am avoiding doing my daily chores, but rather moving towards something that is enhancing my life and increasing in frequency. The great side effect of this is that I am really satisfied with my ever increasing art skills. I am reaching my goals quicker as well. The improved skills don't seem as important as they did before though. What seems the most important now is this sense of peace, this being in the zone from art extending beyond itself into my daily life. I always wanted the artist lifestyle, but I did not realize it would expand way beyond my concept of art and make my life so serene. What a great calling!

At The Show

I just completed my day at the art show I mentioned in my last blog. The setup and tear down really was not as bad as I expected. Both went quickly, and while I could not find my tent, I had perfect weather - warm, sunny, cool breeze and I was facing the Gorge Waterway in Victoria, and could sketch the Canadian geese, rowers, and kayakers so my tent was not really missed.

I find one of the best and most appreciated ways to pass my time at these shows is by drawing, sketching and painting. The convener of the show stopped by and thanked me for demonstrating (and there I thought I was just doing my thing and having fun). I had a number of people stop and ask me if they could look closer at what I was doing. I know doing art at shows can have drawbacks. I am not greeting and making contact with people as they walk by. People may be afraid to interrupt me while I am working, and it was hard for me to work on the small surface that was left after I set up my display. The show was six hours, and I used the time to sketch, did one watercolour painting/sketch, and did a drawing to prepare for another watercolour painting.

The demonstrating paid off in big dividends this time. I was concentrating on what I was doing, and became aware of a man with a large video camera circling me. I thought he might be one of the show staff recording the show for their website. Instead, I discovered he was from the local TV news, CHEK. We talked for a little while, then he was gone to interview the convener of the show. I waited with baited breath for the evening news, and I was not disappointed. One of my watercolours was chosen from the hundreds of paints at the show to be put on the news at 11 p.m. I was thrilled. It made me feel really good, and recently I have been a little depressed about my art. The image with today's blog is the one that was highlighted in the news last night. I am lucky too, because this is the image I put on my business cards.

Lots of other good things happened at the show as well. I met a lot of my artist friends, who I did not know were in the show, and I always enjoy socializing with them. I was next to a man who I want to study bronze sculpture with, and we had a chance to talk after the show, and that was nice. I really enjoyed looking at his work during the show as well. He set up his bronzes (a cat, a rabbit, and some other works) under a tree in the grass, and the setting was one of the best for sculpture I have seen.

I also had some surprises. I have two images in my car windows with my name and contact information. One image is of a women in a red dress and blue shawl, and the other is of a boy. One lady saw my images, then hunted me down at my booth. She wanted a mini art lesson in the difference in facial features between men and women. Apparently, she paints faces on ceramic cups, and could get the women correctly, but was not successful with the men. So I gave her a rundown of some of the major differences, then to my surprise, she pushed a blank part of the program at me and asked me to draw the differences for her. I quickly sketched up a generic male and female face for her, and she was extremely pleased. I have to say that is the first art lesson I have given at an art exhibit. I really did enjoy helping another artist. I do believe it is important that we help each other as much as possible, and I have a lot of help I need to give to pay back for all the wonderful help I have received and still do receive.

My ego enjoyed the peoples' comments the most at the show. So many people had praise and appreciation for my art. One of my favorite conversations was with a man who amazed me with his knowledge of lighthouses. He could tell by looking at my lighthouse paintings which were American, Canadian, and from which coast they came from. I discovered he had worked in lighthouses all over North America, and could tell by the architecture what region they were from. Obviously, I am very outgoing and love to talk to strangers. There is so much of interest they can tell me, and most people I meet I find I like.

Overall, I have to say the preparation and work were well worth the experience I had. I believe that showing my art is an integral part of my life as an artist, and even though it is work to show my art, if I can inspire people, connect with people, and help people through my art, then its value increases well beyond the pleasure I had in creating it. I like selling my art, but I get the most validation from connecting with people through my art