Intensity

I was at life drawing today and I had a very intense session. I have done this before. The last time was when I had broken my ankle and I was in recovery. I was at an art class that I found absolutely fascinating, and I got completely lost in the process. It was a day long session; I was standing the whole time. I got so intensely into the work, I wasn't eating, I wasn't breaking to do anything. At the end of the session, I left and went to buy a printer for my computer.

When I got to the store, I guess I finally defocused from the art, and was overcome by pain in my recovering ankle. I had to sit on printer boxes for over 45 minutes because I could not stand or walk. I was embarrassed so I did not ask the store staff for help. I didn't want to be carried off. It was intense and I never forgot how lost I got.

Life drawing today was like that. I stood to draw, and completely exhausted myself from concentrating so hard. I was developing a new technique, and took all my concentration. I usually can see the image emerging from the paper. This time I was just drawing areas of light and shade, using contrasts to form shapes. Suddenly, the image appeared. It was fascinating. It was confusing. It was a totally different experience than I was used to.

After the session, I went to lunch and I was famished. I went home, and I laid down. My feet where on fire, and I had to sleep. I woke up hours later, and I was disoriented. Art can have this effect on me. It is like I enter into another state of mind. Time seems to stand still. My normal worries, concerns and thoughts get suspended. I become very calm. It rejuvenates. It is powerful, but it is also disorienting. When I come out of this state, I need to pick up the threads of my life again.

The best times are when I do art and slip into this calm, peaceful place where I create my art, but without the overwhelming intensity. I love my art, but like loving a person, if the feelings are too intense, I burn out.

Life is like Doing Art

I am surprised at how it took me so long to realize that running my life is like doing art. I love art, and have been working hard for years to hone my skills at bringing a drawing or painting together, successfully, and yet I never made the connection between managing creating a drawing or painting to my personal life.

I have been really doing a lot of self introspection lately. I just broke up with my partner, gave up the house I always dreamed of, and moved back into my old condo. Life seemed to turn upside down and inside out. It was like my life had been an experiment that went wrong. Only, the experiment was all the things I ever dreamed about. I even had my own studio.

Now, I am in my old condo, a bit out of the main stream in a little village, but on a beautiful body of water. I had to re-evaluate what was important. And the best way I could do this was to look to my art for inspiration.

I remember hearing a little story years ago, and now that story is my guiding light as I re-engineer my life. The story goes that there is a sculptor working piece of marble that is his life's work. The marble is in a park near a public street. He goes out every day with his hammer and chisel, and chips away at the marble, ever evolving his sculpture to create the one masterpiece for his life. Now the question is, would you hand the hammer and chisel to any passerby who wanted to try his or her hand at sculpture, and let them go at your masterpiece?

The answer of course is a resounding "NO". As an artist, you would protect the piece, and would only lovingly chip away at it to bring out your vision of what it should be. Well, life is the same thing. My life is my lifelong masterpiece. I should not be handing my hammer and chisel to anyone else so they can take a whack at my life. I should be the only one chipping away, and I should go at it with the love I do when I create a painting or drawing.

So in this great transition, I have been reevaluating myself, my goals, and looking at my life like a piece of art I am creating. When I do this, things become clear, and it becomes easier to give up the more connected location, the relationship, and the studio, in return for peace and happiness in my life, and more time to create and enjoy my art making.

Since the beginning of the year, I draw every day and paint on average every other day. I am honing my art business skills, and am curating an art show for the first time. I will be taking over a life drawing group for a month in May, and with each new experience, I am fleshing out myself as an artist.

I just read a quote in a book or art magazine, that art is a jealous mistress. Well, if you devote yourself to your art mistress, she is also the best companion you will ever have.

I have just scanned in some of the coffee shop sketches I have been doing over the last year. I had gotten away from this when I had the flu, and the leg operation, but I was just back sketching in a coffee shop today, so I thought a coffee shop image might be appropriate to post with this entry.

Being Sick Stinks

I have been having a real hard time getting rid of the flu. I don't know if it morphed into some other disease, or just hanging on. I have had to cancel out of classes, and painting sessions with other artist. I have managed to keep up with my New Year's Resolution to draw every day, but some days it isn't very pretty (especially when I was in the depths of the flu).

I think it is important to get consistent practice and that takes discipline. I am trying very hard to do that, even when I am sick. I find that being sick, I have more time for art, since I can't follow my normal routine. This has helped me to keep practicing my art even though I am missing out on most of life.

I am attaching the image I did at the demo for the school. It is a pen, ink & brush drawing of my children when they were very young (they are both grown now).

Is Mac Kid Rock?

This past week I was at a local school, demonstrating pen, ink and brush drawing. There was about 250 families there, adults and children from about 6 to 14. I have to admit I was anxious going into the school. As so often is the case, I misjudged the time to arrive, had just enough time to get there, and then there was a car going half the speed limit. I guess it was someone with night blindness, but it did not help me to get there. I was about five minutes late instead of 15 minutes early and that put me even more on edge. I don't know about other people, but I know I don't do my best art when I am agitated, and I was agitated. I had to ask another artist who used to work at the school to flag down a maintenance person, so I could get my table set up and start. By the time the table was up, and I was unpacked and my display was up, I was really jangled.

I did pre-draw the image in light pencil, so I would not have to struggle with composition, and proportions, and I could just concentrate on the pen and ink and brush work. I had to really concentrate hard, and relax myself before I started. Ink is not forgiving, and a mistake would have been a disaster for the demo.

Things went well, but the best part of the demo was talking to the people there. They really were interested in art, and interested in my brag book. I often put out this book of my art images, and people look down at whatever page I had it opened to, but never leaf through. At the demo, not only parents but kids leafed through. I really appreciate the kids comments and excitement.

I did a carbon pencil drawing of a local musician called Mac, and had it made into a bookmark to give to the children. Well, I was pleasantly surprised to find Mac looks like Kid Rock, and I was suddenly popular among the kids. I think half of them think I knew Kid Rock, but just was not admitting to it. The other half seem to think Mac is Kid Rock, but I didn't know. Either way I was a very popular artist that night.

I have a mission in life. I want to encourage kids in art, in art appreciation, and just enjoying art. I felt the demo helped me reach and talk to six kids, and that made the time really worthwhile for me. As well, the demo went so well I finished it off after wards in my studio, framed it and set it aside for the next show.

So, even though the start of the demo was nerve racking, the results were better than I thought.
The enthusiasm of the students at the school is the greatest shot in the arm I have received in a long time. I don't know about you, but as an artists I need my ego feed regularly, or I start to feel depressed.

Well now only one question remainds -- Is Mac Kid Rock? He is going to pose for us this week, so I am going to give him a bookmark and pose the question?

Getting Back Again

Sorry I have been away for a while, but I was sick with the flu, and that puts an end to all my plans and ideas. I have been busy, though, and managed to draw everyday, even if I did not get to paint as often as I would have liked. It was tough drawing with the flu, and some times I only got 15 minutes in, but my goal for this year is to draw everyday. Drawing is a very difficult skill to master, and it takes constant practice as well to maintain the current skill set.

I am painting on a watercolor (the third in a series) about BC Ferries. I have also set myself a goal to complete at least six in the series, and get a show for the series early next year at a local gallery. I really love the water, and the ferries here, and feel people take them for granted. My series is contemporary, and are my impressions about being on the ferries. I am planning a number of ferry trips this year to round out my reference materials, and because it can be a fun day trip or short vacation.

I am also struggling with my exhibit life. I just closed down one show, and hung another, and find I am getting behind in finished works. I sold one painting at the last show, and several shows coming up in the next couple of months, but find myself drawn to sketching alot, and lose works of art. I am trying to become loser in my technique, as well as in my life. It is like relearning how to live, and how to do art. It is a step backward for a while, but I believe it is worth the learning curve because it will improve my enjoyment of art, of life, and create more fun.

When I was sick with the flu, I found that I had a big depression (I always get depressed when I am sick). While depressed, I got thinking, what am I living for. I was pretty miserable, and despondent for the moment. I am just so glad I have my art. It was what kept me going, and I never once wavered in my desire to create it.

I get compliments from many people about how eclectic my art is, and how astonished they are that I am able to create in such a variety of ways. To me I always feel bad when I hear this, because I have always been told to specialize, develop a recognizable focus, that is what galleries and collectors want. I feel I have a focus, people, but somehow it seems too broad. I will continue with working the way I do, though, because I think it is important for an artist to create what moves him, not to be too straight-jacketed. I know as an artist I need discipline, and I am working on developing it so I produce art even when I don't feel like it, even when I am very sick, even when it is inconvenient.

I struggle with managing day to day life, putting my art first, and not getting to discouraged at how slow my career as an artist seems to be growing. I struggle with the business end, the creative part, and my lack of artist business skills. I must stay focused on the progress that I have achieved in the last year (really a big step forward) and not the pace which is slower than I like.

I am adding another image to this blog. This is the still life I did. I know my focus is on people, but I did the still life as a counter point, to stay fresh, to not get bored and tired of doing people. I try to include people in all that I do, but this one is missing people! Maybe I am as eclectic as people say I am.

My First Post

I am new to blogging, but I wanted to talk to other artists and art aficionados about art as I see it, and myself as I follow my path as an artist. I feel I can call myself an artist, as I define myself by my art. To me, art is not being famous (Van Gough was not famous during his life, and Vermeer was not recognized for centuries). Art is not about making money. I believe that artists that make money are also excellent at sales and marketing, and that is why they earn money. The art they create may be good or not, but marketing and sales drive earnings.

I believe that art is about enjoying creating (for me painting, and drawing) and enjoying the process. I read in a book about the Zen of Art that the work created just represents something I used to be able to do. The real essence of art is the process of creation. I have to say, that the process is more fun than enjoying the results.

Sure I love when a painting or drawing makes me feel very good. I love hearing someone who saw my art and thinks its great. I love bringing joy to others who see and enjoy my art. Still, my best reward is creating the art.

One early piece of art I created, that I still enjoy is a self-portrait. I did this because I wanted to create a self-portrait that represented me. A rough drawing, an unfinished drawing. I feel I am still rough, an unfinished person, and still incomplete. I will never be finished until I die.

Although this is not a great piece of art, the art and its symbolism moved me. That is why I wanted to include it with my first post, which is my introduction.

My website is http://www.CheatedAngelStudio.com. Please visit it for more images.