Struggling

I have been very sick with a flu-like virus and this has made me morose, and introspective.  I am discouraged by the bad economy and the lack of art sales in general at the shows I have gone to or been in.  I am taking this time to hone my drawing and painting skills, and am really making progress, but at times I need to take a break from the disciplined exercise of pushing myself to be better, and just take a little time off to just draw, or paint or experiment.

I have started a drawing a day journal, I have just finished my first month.  Some days I am disappointed in the drawings, and some days I am really excited about them.  I have missed one day, but this journal is for me.  I do my drawing right after breakfast, before I even get dressed or shower, and it really helps set my day.

I find it is improving my drawing skills, and I use it to experiment in areas that are hard, or I still am shaky in. Even with the flu-like symptoms, I have been drawing more, and I do fun demos when I teach my classes.  My serious painting is slowed to a stop until I feel better, catch up on work, and have the emotional energy to make the final touches.  I have a still life that is just hours from the final update, but I can't bring myself to focus on it yet.  I dialog with myself about it, but the energy is still not there.

I have been doing better though.  My art is now working as therapy for me.  I can use it to cheer myself up when I am down.  The process, not the result or the learning seems to be the solution.

I need more money, and have had to start back programming.  This is creative, and I am going to try to increase my cashflow with that, and let my art just be focused on skill improvement.  My goal to to reach the first level of mastery- very accurate drawings that require very minor corrections as I go along, and mastery of the techniques of painting.  I feel once that level of mastery is accomplished, then I can really get started on the second phase of mastering my art, composition, creativity, and subtle statements of who I am and what my art means to me.