Intensity

I was at life drawing today and I had a very intense session. I have done this before. The last time was when I had broken my ankle and I was in recovery. I was at an art class that I found absolutely fascinating, and I got completely lost in the process. It was a day long session; I was standing the whole time. I got so intensely into the work, I wasn't eating, I wasn't breaking to do anything. At the end of the session, I left and went to buy a printer for my computer.

When I got to the store, I guess I finally defocused from the art, and was overcome by pain in my recovering ankle. I had to sit on printer boxes for over 45 minutes because I could not stand or walk. I was embarrassed so I did not ask the store staff for help. I didn't want to be carried off. It was intense and I never forgot how lost I got.

Life drawing today was like that. I stood to draw, and completely exhausted myself from concentrating so hard. I was developing a new technique, and took all my concentration. I usually can see the image emerging from the paper. This time I was just drawing areas of light and shade, using contrasts to form shapes. Suddenly, the image appeared. It was fascinating. It was confusing. It was a totally different experience than I was used to.

After the session, I went to lunch and I was famished. I went home, and I laid down. My feet where on fire, and I had to sleep. I woke up hours later, and I was disoriented. Art can have this effect on me. It is like I enter into another state of mind. Time seems to stand still. My normal worries, concerns and thoughts get suspended. I become very calm. It rejuvenates. It is powerful, but it is also disorienting. When I come out of this state, I need to pick up the threads of my life again.

The best times are when I do art and slip into this calm, peaceful place where I create my art, but without the overwhelming intensity. I love my art, but like loving a person, if the feelings are too intense, I burn out.