It is not always easy being an artist. I had signed myself up for a long pose life drawing special sitting at the model's studio (she is an artist herself). It was advertised as a master artist session, and I can tell you I felt far from a master artist. I had been working Friday on a big canvas painting of my older daughter, and this painting has been nothing but a struggle since I began it several years ago. It started out all wrong, and then I tried to change it, but I found that my goal for that particular piece of art kept changing as well.
Finally, I got settled down, and repainted it in consistent colours and it has come up very well. Now, everyone is telling me it is pretty much done (my follow artists at a drop in painting session, but I was still struggling with the painting. I wanted it to be very realistic, but is really is pretty nice in its more painterly condition. I struggle with this, because I have changed my goals for this painting so much, am I copping out?
Well, this being said, I was facing this long pose modeling session and feeling pretty down on my skills with acrylics. I was again struggling with painting or drawing ( which I would feel more comfortable with), or just not going at all. I felt I had to go, as this was a limited seating session, and others had been closed out so I should go. The model was expecting a certain number of people and it wouldn't be right not to go.
So now I was faced with the dilemma of painting or drawing. Since this was a long pose, it was one of the few opportunities available to paint the model from life. Usually, the life drawing sessions are short poses, good for drawing practice but not long enough for painting. I had decided that if I were going to paint, I would try open acrylics, because I was really annoyed with the rapid drying times of acrylics, and the lack of blending times. (I have been seriously thinking about switching to water based oils, because of this.) My last experiment was a small kit of open acrylics (about six tubes - the Classical set by Golden).
So I went to the session, anxious about finding parking, anxious about finding the studio, never mind parking, and anxious about making a fool of myself in master session with a type of paint I had never used before, but I screwed up my courage and went. I felt that perhaps I was feeling less confident about my abilities than I should have because of being mad with myself over not having a clear goal for this large painting I was working on, and mad at myself for not trying the open acrylics before the modeling session, but time just wasn't there.
I got there about 45 minutes early, found parking easily, and was still somewhat anxious when the session began. Then we started with some one minute poses to warm up, and I found these comforting, as the drawing and the short poses where what I was used to.
This is why art is wonderful. Once I got more relaxed, I was able to get into the zone. I really liked the drying time of the open acrylics, and I could blend the way I wanted to. As well, so of the people at the masters session were friends of mine, so I didn't feel so intimated, and I meet a really nice artist there and hope to see him again at other sessions.
The painting, which I did not have any lofty hopes for, but for which I did make sure I had a clear goal in mind, really pleased me. It followed, and finished on time, and it represents the way I love to paint the most. We had great lighting,and I used it to my best advantage to make the painting more dynamic, and to bring out the mass of the figure.
I was thrilled with my new paints, my new painting, and my new friend. The lighting was great, and this happens to be my favorite model. She is very professional and easy to work with.
I found that by facing my fears, and pushing past my feelings of inadequacy I was able to have a marvelous experience, and learn the lessons I needed so I could overcome my inadequacies.
I haven't finished the studio touch ups on this painting yet, so I am going to post a painting from my archives instead.
Your post reminds me of a book called A Giacometti Portrait. Even though he was a famous sculptor and painter, Giacometti was constantly doubting himself, complaining that the piece on his easel was hopeless. The book is by James Lord, who sat 18 days while Giacometti painted his portrait. The painting progresses and regresses over and over. The book was written in the 60s but is still in print.
ReplyDelete